Beth's reviews
Review of The Hope
22 Apr 08, 21:25
Quizteama Aguilera 
The Hope has picturesque views over Wandsworth Common and erm, the station, and is the pub to be seen in in the area, mainly because it’s the only pub in the area.
It’s a triangular affair, which looks much bigger from the outside than it actually is, and has just been subject to a long makeover, which has made it look like a shabby sitting room, as is currently the want in pubs at the mo (someone older and considerably less hip than myself might say that it’s the interior design equivalent of paying loads of money to get rips in your jeans).
It’s (just about) on two levels: the lower one seems to be the sitting/drinking area (all low settees, chandeliers and Granny rugs), and the upper bay lends itself more to gnoshing. It’s full of Wandsworth Common’s trendiest – that is, people who aren’t really that trendy at all, but can more than afford the clothes - has good food and a wide beer selection, and a smallish outside seating area which unfortunately overlooks two roads (in the summer, people bypass the garden altogether and take their drinks across the road to the common).
A couple of plus/minus points (depending on what tickles your fancy/gets your goat) are the tiny telly and coldish welcome offered to children.
The Hope has really got two jewels in its crown. The first is its Christmas drinks menu, which is peppered with really lovely and imaginative wintery delights (we had a brilliant Christmas Eve afternoon there, sampling all of them), and the second is its ace Monday night quiz. Now, I’ve spent a lot of time in a lot of pubs doing a lot of quizzes, and this is one of the best. What makes it special is the brilliant rounds, which change each week (no lame Sports, Music, TV and History here. Nope, it’s Famous Cats, TV Detectives and Georges) and the great host, who has severe, amusing issues with pronunciation.
Maybe I’m being a bit of a meany, but The Hope is a pub which seems to try very hard but doesn’t quite get there. Who said a pub was like its punters?
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Review of The County Arms
15 Apr 08, 18:45
Not Sunday best
One of those places which you head to with absolute certainty of getting a just-what-the-doctor-ordered Sunday roast, safe in the knowledge that you’ll be able to get a table and there won’t be anything unpredictable on your plate for your poorly little hungover head to deal with, only to leave a bit disappointed and deflated. It’s a big, interior-design-for-pubs-by-numbers eating hole (you know the sort; twigs in a vase, weird bally things in a bowl) with pleasant enough staff, but the sort of atmosphere which is more Harvester conveyor belt (slop it out, get them out), than the gastro experience to which it so aspires. When your food is dumped in a heap in the centre of your plate, your meat more fatty than lean and your stomach rumbling 40 minutes after you’ve ordered what is tantamount to a carvery, you can’t help but conclude that the only thing which is gastro about The County Arms is the price (£18 for a two course set Sunday lunch and £13 for a roast should raise the eyebrows on even the most beer-ruined face).
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Review of Smarty Paints
15 Apr 08, 18:12
know your arts from your elbow
Situated on the road that has everything (a great pub, a posh curry restaurant, fatty cake shops, naughty cafes and a yummy mummy beauty salon…), Smarty Paints takes advantage of the area’s gazillion children and parents with lots of cash, and offers pottery painting in a nice atmosphere. Pop in and paint just about anything you or your kids can think of and come away with the sort of gifts that will guarantee pocket money from thrilled Grandparents for ever more.
The staff are pleasant and won’t rush fastidious children or spam-fisted adults through their artistic efforts, and you can buy basic refreshments to help you on your way. Slightly pricey, with mummies and daddies who are slightly too pleased with themselves, you’d be advised to attend before the home bell rings – the gaggle of public schools across the road mean that it’s chocker come 4 0’clock. Or, pop in late on a Thursday when Smarty Paints is open until 9pm.
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Review of Tickled Pink
15 Apr 08, 18:07
Gifts, wrapped. 
If you, like me, are a) lazy and b) disorganised, you love shops like this as they make you seem a) thoughtful and b) prepared.
It’s crammed full of lovely bits and bobs that will thrill even the most demanding of pressie recipients and it’s impossible not to get something special, even when it’s later than last minute. I’ve lost count of the times that I’ve been heading into town to some sort of birthday jamboree from nearby Wandsworth Common station, popped in there for a few minutes and managed to get my paws on some right gifty goodies. Phew.
Specially catered for are girly girls and small children who want something cool and unique (for men folk, there’s The Inside Man a couple of doors down). Even better, Tickled Pink is open latish and will even wrap your swag. A friendship saver.
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Review of Gordons Wine Bar
15 Apr 08, 17:52
Never has memory loss been so memorable 
It is with significant reluctance that I write this. You see, I love Gordon’s. I REALLY love it. And one of the reason’s I love it is that not many people seem to know it exists.
It’s like a secret underground cave, a cave which is dark and dank in the bestest way, feels like a Jack the Ripper film set and sells wine wine wine – and nothing else. Oh, except for cheese cheese cheese.
So, there we have it; a candle-lit, underground, clandestine sweaty cave, full of wine and cheese and people who are clearly up to something. You can’t go here and not be mischievous. As soon as you walk down the grotty, steep stairs you feel a bit impish. By the time you’ve ordered your wine, you’re feeling downright wayward. Some of my best naughty work has happened here.
2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
Review of Jo Partridge
15 Apr 08, 17:41
Aha
One of the ever-so-nice businesses which make up the yummy mummy haven which is Bellevue Road, Jo Partridge is an absolutely ok hair and beauty salon which is safe, shiny and reliable but in no way exciting (perfect, then, for Wandsworth Common).
The staff range from friendly to bored out of their brains, and prices are average for the area (i.e quite expensive). For skinflints and non 9-5ers, take advantage of its trainee rates. Supervised newbees will highlight your hair for £25 and cut it for £20 from 9am-4pm, Mondays to Thursdays.
1 out of 1 person found this review helpful.
Review of Common Ground
15 Apr 08, 17:33
bad food and baaaad attitudes.... 
Me again. Thinking I'd been a little unfair, I went to Common Ground again today, for lunch. Turns out I'd actually been too fair. Half the menu was not running, the sandwich I had was small, tastless and five-burloody-pounds, and the service was breathtakingly rubbish. One waitress (a lady with dyed silver/blue hair) was so rude I actually laughed. She SHOUTED at me when she got the order wrong, dumped all our order in the middle of the table and told us to 'just sort it out' ourselves, then complained when I requested £5 change back - after we'd already left a £5 tip on a £40 bill. Don't go here!!
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Review of The Balham Tup
15 Apr 08, 17:05
Full of footwits 
If your idea of a good pub is one which is crammed full of identikit blokes who are in danger of suffering from gel poisoning and whose idea of dressing up is erecting the collars of their Abercrombie & Fitch / Hackett polo shirts, then head to the Tup. It’s a temple to Sky Sports, where middle class laddy lads while away the ad breaks playing spot the seat/girl in the cavernous, soulless space.
2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
Review of Rusts
15 Apr 08, 17:00
Park ammunition
If you’d prefer to spend your sunny weekends in the thick of it on Wandsworth Common, braving the Frisbees/footballs/idiots which haunt it, rather than patronising the bars, cafes and restaurants which line it, then pop to Rusts for all your fizzy pop/News of the World/White Lightning needs. Essential Sunday-on-the-picnic-blanket supplies.
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Review of Dexters Grill
15 Apr 08, 16:55
Grill kill
Even though I often find myself longing to be in Dexter’s dinery bosom due to my insatiable desire for all things fat, if I actually think about it, I’ve rarely had a good meal here.
Weekends find Dexter’s crawling with sugar-crazed kids and parents on the brink, the waiting staff are impressively apathetic and the food is over-priced, stingy and often bland. The salads especially (I know, what am I thinking ordering a salad in a burger church?) are rubbish, miserly and unimaginative.
At best, disappointing, at worst, stressful.
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